Dear Husband

My husband always comes home with the same question-are you in the mood? Wait a minute! That is the second question… His first question is always the same though. “What did you do today?” Those four words seem simple enough, but for some reason hearing those particular words, in that specific order, changes me into a stuttering idiot who looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Do? Uh, yes, I recall doing stuff all day, but my mind is totally blank at the moment.” My eyes quickly dart around the house, searching for something; anything, that would release me from this state of amnesia. I can’t seem to find any proof, however, that suggests me “doing” anything at all; the evidence, in fact, leads one to believe that the only thing that I did was stand helplessly by while someone or something trashed our house.

I have studied this peculiar situation, searched out a reason for my inability to vocalize the accounts of my day to my husband. I have come to the conclusion that after living an entire day in “my shoes” that I must be so overloaded that my internal memory must block out certain factors of my day; call it self-preservation if you will. There are certain things in life that are better left buried in the deepest realm of a mother’s mind.

While I still have some use of my faculties, I have decided to transpose a quick written account of my day thus far that I can later hand over to my spouse when he asks me that infamous question.

Dear Husband,

You have asked me “what did you do today?” and I am going to the best of my ability give you a brief glimpse into my Mommy world. Actually, my day began in the middle of your night. Two of your children were sick and needed attention. I let you sleep. I didn’t; at least not what you would consider a complete, restful sleep cycle. I heard your alarm bright and early. Yes, I also saw the “nudge, nudge, wink, wink” as well as heard your stomach rumble. I chose the lesser of the evils and made you breakfast while you showered. For your information, I never had the time for a hygiene moment today.

Okay, reliving this day is already making me lightheaded and my head to hurt…the rest of what I have to say is in no particular order. Please forgive me if I sound disoriented…

I fed and watered five kids (not to mention packed nutrients to send for their survival outside of our home), two dogs, and some withering looking things that once were green plants. I cannot recount all I did to get the kids off to school, too traumatic. Let’s just say; they survived, I barely did.

I cleaned up: spilled beverages, dropped plate of eggs, squashed banana on my carpet, something that was hopefully just chocolate that was all over the bathroom tiles and the toothpaste that somebody painted with. I am not going to list every item that I cleaned up, but perhaps just mention a few of the more “colorful” highlights.

I rewound an entire roll of toilet paper back onto the proper placement of aforementioned paper product. For future reference; the second time I just piled it, neatly as possible, in the corner next to the toilet.

Do you remember the billion plus jewelry beads that we bought for the kids for hours of creativity and fun? I spent more hours of cleaning them up than the children have ever used them.

Somebody decided to decorate the house with Easter grass and candy wrappers galore. While I totally celebrate the true meaning behind this holy day, next year, be warned, I might have to do bodily harm to that dumb bunny that visits our house! Which reminds me, I searched the house for the lost Easter egg to no avail…how long before the smell gives the hiding place away?

I unplugged the toilet-not once-not twice-but THREE times-and the day is not over. I almost had to call Guinness Book of World Records…WOW! At least we know our children are eating-what?-I’m not so sure.

I did dishes and went to put them away…when I opened the cupboards I was pummeled by a tower of falling debris left by the last person who had this chore.

I vacuumed, cleaned the bunnies cage, wiped up the chocolate syrup trail that somebody was drinking in the middle of the afternoon (that somebody was not me, no matter what you think!), filled out paperwork, answered the phone 50 times for somebody named Penny (and, no, we don’t have anyone named Penny in our household), changed the sheets on the bed of our youngest, changed our bedding because same child peed on our bed, too, found the wet clothing that pee-boy tried to hide as evidence of his misdeeds, did laundry (btw, our washer may be dying…), goggled MapQuest to plan my escape route, I mean, I looked up driving directions from child #1’s music lesson to child #2’s karate class, sat with the bag of mismatched socks, rocking and mumbling, “I think I can, I think I can…”

Okay, my mind can’t handle much more…let’s fast forward.

Your school children came home, dropping book bags, shoes and coats. They demanded food. I consoled a child (for more than 2 hours of crying and whining!) over her boyfriend and best friend trauma drama. I broke up fights, directed chaos, cleaned up baby spit up, and helped with homework. I prepared a nutritious and delicious meal for your homecoming. Now, at this moment, your children are out of sight and out of mind…I cannot be held liable for the conditions you come home to later in this evening.

I know I have not revealed to you everything that I have experienced today. Some things just cannot be put into words; trust me. Anyhow, by the time you come home tonight and ask me “what have you done today?” I will be oblivious to my surroundings; possibly even in a catatonic state of mind. Hopefully you can at least pry this paper from my weary fingers and gain a little bit of understanding about my day…

midweek mayhem

Its summer, hotter than hell and all of my children are of course home. You’d think that this would be a happy time. No school, no homework, just summer time fun. Well if you are that delusional to think that is what summer entails you are in for a shock. Summer in south Alabama is HOT. My kids still have school work to do. Yes I am the evil stepmother who makes the older kids do workbooks and read all the time! What fun for me? Is an hour a day to much? Maybe it’s not enough. Maybe I should home school them all them summer and do real work!
I have my chocolate escape waiting for me, but do I dare turn to it before noon? I think I must wait. It will go very well with my evening glass of Pino Nior….
As they run through the house chasing the Bitty, my oldest plows right into the wall, and of course the rest follow. I guess they all forgot why there is no running in the house. Yet I refuse to move, I will not investigate this. I will not yell at them for injuring themselves, I will do nothing but sit here and count to 10 before I lose what little sanity I have left. I will sit quietly with Eleanor and enjoy my youngest, my good quiet happy and still innocent child...

Just another manic monday

Why are boxes so expensive? Why is packing such a pain in the ASS?? And why is it that every box I attempt to pack, my children unpack while I’m packing with tears in their eyes crying ‘not maee my toy’?
Seriously I just want to move, leave all this crap here and start from scratch! Being that in the last 5 years we have moved 5 times I don’t think our stuff could handle another move! Besides I like NEW stuff!
Maybe I should have a moving sale and just stick a price tag on everything…. Except for my bedroom suite, not giving that up.
What are your thoughts on a yard/moving sale?? I’m really starting to like the idea! I would love a new Bar, China Hutch and Dining Room Table set! Yup I think I just talked myself into it. We are having a moving sale people! Jessie agrees she wants a canopy bed LOL. Great I talked myself into adding one more thing to my already too long to read to do list!

Moving issues, dog issues....

Why is this process so hard? Why have you people at Fort Hood banned pit bulls or any mix thereof from base? Seriously this fucking sucks… Per army regs we have to apply for base housing, and to our shock we can get base housing when we get to fort hood, they don’t have a waiting list! But like so many other things in my life that cannot seem to go right this is the same… My dog Roxy is not allowed on post. Why you ask, because she is part pit bull. She is a Mutt, a full American dog mutt, but since the last time I brought her to an on post vet they looked at her and classified her as a bit bull… So she is banned from Fort Hood and we cannot accept the house on base. Not that living on post was my first choice as our experience here at fort Rucker kind of sucked. It was nice being so close to everything. And since Hood is such a large base it would have been nice to live on base for the first year…. But because I have a dog who looks like she might have some pit bull in her we are shit out of luck! This also pretty much applies to any home we were going to try and rent as well. Either they will not rent to you because you have pets, and the slight few that allow pets won’t allow vicious breads… Roxy has never so much as hurt a fly. She might jump on you and lick you to death, but she is the sweetest dog.

Our neighbor offered to take her in if we could not take her with us. While that is an option, I much rather not lose my dog. I’ve had her since the spring of 2003. She’s my puppy!!

So for those of you who know me, you know how my husband already feels about the dog. <he is not a fan; he hates that I allowed her to sit on furniture and that when I first moved in she would not listen to him. She now listens to him, but he holds a grudge> He is all for leaving my puppy here when we leave and doesn’t understand why it’s such a big deal for me. It just is.

We want to buy a house when we get to Killeen anyway. We both hate renting and throwing money into a house we will never own….

I’ve spent the majority of these last two weeks looking on line at homes. Microsoft Earth is an awesome tool! I love being able to get a shot of the house, I know it’s not the same as seeing the neighborhood but it helps! If I see those big ogle power lines in the back yard or across the street I know right away that that is not a place I want to live and it quickly becomes crossed off of my list. I love that I can move the maps and see where the schools are. I also love the FamilyWatchdog.us website, I’ve been cross reverencing addresses with them, and will not move to a street with a pedophile! So you’d think with all of this technology and virtual tours that it would be easy to find a house… Well then you would be so wrong! While my list of prospected homes has gone down I still have about 30 I want to look at when I get there, as many have been on the market for some time now and I doubt they are getting sold any time before I get a chance to look at them.

So far this week I have made our Penske Truck Rental Reservations. Have I mentioned yet that we are doing a DITY Move?? :-P Reservations for the Hotel, both in route and once in Killeen. Plus reserved a storage unit to stuff all of our crap in once we get there and have no place to live. Anything else I’m forgetting?